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gloriia

Monday, May 25, 2009

怎样面对一切我不知道

I FEEL LIKE ...

1. Going to HK! I mean, yes, I'm going, but it's like 3 weeks later?
2. Stopping work. I hate to work! I rather study!
3. Escaping from everything around. (links to point 1)

---

Was happy to be back at Bedok on Sat for the 30th Anniversary celebration cum dinner, with so many familiar faces around! Of the 30 years, I've contributed 16years! How nice. I know 16 years isn't alot compared to all the others, especially those who're still there, but, I must say, I did feel something when the pictures flashed across the screens.

I must admit, I don't have that strong sense of belonging anymore, but, there still is! And honestly, I don't wish for it to continue descending. I have no idea how to stop it though. HAHA! I feel quite sadden everytime I hear the different groups of people talk about the happenings in Bedok. I just feel distant! But, I'm glad to still know bits and pieces of the place I spent much of my days at.

You can just say "You can come back what", "See, who ask you to leave that time", "..." or whatsoever, but it isn't as simple as it is. I don't have a CHOICE! I can't leave anywhere as and when I want. I have to be really thankful to already be given a new church with most of my cousins there so that I won't have to readapt to a totally new environment.

I have no idea how true is that saying that after every 5 years, pastors will change their congregation, but I think it's really going to be quite painful to do so. Booo!

Though the belonging isn't there, I'm glad that memories and feelings can never be erased or replaced. ((:

It's like; you've been Yi Cheng Korkor, De Yu Korkor, Min Xin Jiejie, Hui Hua Jiejie, Shi Zong Korkor etc etc. Even when you've at 40, I still call you Korkor and Jiejies. It can't change. That special feeling to why you were a Korkor/Jiejie will be lost! Yet again, it feels distant too.

(Last week) At Yi Cheng Korkor's house, Hui Hua Jiejie was asking Han En to call Yi Cheng UNCLE. HAHA! Meimei and I are still calling them Korkor and Jiejies while their kids are calling the adults Uncles and Aunties.

(Maybe it's just me, I'm stubborn, I don't wish to change how things go)

---

Talking about church, I was utterly SHOCKED while bathing just now. Guess what I thought of when I closed my eyes under the shower head? I suddenly had this vision flashed across as a youth helper in Church. I know I'm not supposed to be so frank, but the church I was serving in is BLC. - Stunned and immediately got myself out.

HAHA! I'm far from being qualified to be one. Goodness.

But, there's one thing I'm quite sure about probably why it's BLC and not LCOR's because I don't serve wholeheartedly in LCOR as compared to in BLC. Don't ask me why, I just lost that when I came over (Ok, I know I'm not supposed to be that frank again) and yet to find it back.

No, I'm not saying that LCOR's bad or whatsoever. It just gives a really different feeling.

But no matter what it is, I will learn to accept both. If he can, so can I. ((:

---

(Random) Ohya, and De Yu Korkor came over to preach yesterday. Sadly, Nat's sick and so he didn't bring Ben and Nat over for service. I guess I won't get to see them anymore. They're leaving in JULY! And I'm leaving Singapore in 3 weeks, back when they're gone. -.-


Benjamin & Nathaniel

gloriia ((:

7:14 PM