Saturday, August 13, 2005
there's 2 super big problems that suddenly came to me at the wrong point in time..actually its 3..but the 3rd one isnt as big as the 2..which makes me have to end up making a very big decision..about my future and everything..and it simply sucks
first big problem..as everyone knows..the chinese o level results came out on friday..yesterday..which was quite a dreadful day for me..i got only a B3(D)..although i knew that i kinda screw up my whole paper 1 and 2..writing the wrong ying yong wen..and not completing my paper 2..i just cant accept it that its still a 3..i cant survive with a 3 for my o's..i need at least a 2..my other subjects cant help much and i really need to count my chinese in..haiz..but if i retake..i dont really think i can concentrate properly and might end up screwing up my other subjects..but if i dont..i really cant do with a 3..so..till now..i still cant make up my mind..mayb this is really a wake-up call for me to better start studying and stop all bridge-ing..anyway..i've prayed and ask God about what he really wants me to do..and im still waiting..haiz..im seriously in big trouble this time..
second..i was quite shocked this morning to see her calling my phone so urgently..i really dont know what the hell is going on anymore..they suddenly called to say that they wanna meet me from 12-1..but i seriously had no time to meet them..nt trying to escape..so i just rejected..and they told me about somethings that they wanna clarify with me..dey said that another one of u was kinda like the cause of this whole incident and now..u're friends with me..which is weird..and i dont know why did they tell me about this also..its just werid + weird + weird..i dont know what are they trying and doing to do now or next..
do u know that actually i feel so so so much better without you..(wait..im nt les) im so much more carefree now..without having to be stressed that after school..if i want to go home..what excuse must i give to you so that you will let me do it..how many times have i lied and lied and lied just to plead to go home one afternoon after school to sleep..haiz..isnt it quite pathetic..cant i just have my own way of living..i really dont feel like going out..but u always win whenever we are debating over this..but what can i say or do?its really no life with you..and now..without you..my life is much more peaceful..with freedom of staying back in school to study and play bridge till bout 7 almost everyday..which i feel happier than going out with you by force..without you..i also got closer to the people in my class..through all the things that happen after school..in the past..none of this happened before..even if i say that i want to stay back you will just keep asking why why why..it really sucks..and now..if u ever think of going back to the kind of friendship we had the last 3 yrs..i tink that u can forget about it..mayb the most..we will just be friends that mayb when we walk past each other..we just give each other a small smile..and its about it..i dont want to fall into all that shit again..with u..i can never have time to study as well..and for now..my main concern is the o levels..so..ya..i think its really just like that..please dont expect more..im quite sorry too..i kinda gave this friendship up..now..i dont know what you will be going to tell me maybe on monday..but..i dont tink i will change my mind again..
the last one..haiz..think its just the same problem over and over again..i still cant give up on you..(guy)..it isnt as easy as it seems to be..everytime i see you..i just cant forget about you..all the memories just start appearing out in my mind..haiz..what can i do..was it really a mistake for me to like you from the start??
